I believe one of the main reasons (if not THE reason) for writing a blog is to write about subjects of passion, matters that consume you so entirely that until formed into written word will haunt the mind for eternity, amassing turbulent thought that is a restless cerebral typhoon until such action is taken. This is why I write. This is also why I continue to write because this inner thought is insatiable and constantly stimulated with thought-provoking situations and activities that I may not be able to articulate at the time but with a constant internal narration finds its peace at a later point when scribed for posterity.
The subject of ‘love’ is particularly apt for this time of year with the approach of San Valentino and it is one that I am equally passionate as well as wildly irate about. These sentiments spiral to dizzying heights too as my company’s line of work is occasion-led, so the focus of the general public’s dread or excitement has already been discussed, planned and prepared for launch far in advance of the predictable whelps I hear in the street from shoppers at displays gazed upon months before the main event (Christmas decorations in October are merely visual white noise when I am immersed with cards and product in August).
On social media platforms I have been observing the public’s opinion on the matter of Valentine’s and curiously only two key demographics form; the attached with their glowing excitement for reactions to their effort-laden gifts & rhymed scribbling and the resentful singletons that loathe the mere sight of red and plan a campaign of reclusiveness during February. Interestingly the one group I do not hear from are those available and looking for love.
How ironic?! Perhaps the one time of year most acceptable to declare affectation is at this time, however as usual, that damned ‘reserve’ and lack of assertiveness renders people helpless and no action is taken ensuring a woeful facial expression is retained as it casts its shadow on a pretty passer-by that if only the words could be formed might possibly link arms with you for a stroll. A recent mention of the British ‘reserve’ struck a chord with me when it was linked as a key reason that the UK’s cancer survival rate is so low, all due to their unwillingness to address symptoms with medical practitioners for fear of wasting time or resource. This exact same subject was raised 8 years ago, yet the matter still lingers on and cancer rates continue to rise. Do we not read the news? Is the news perceived as fiction or merely something to occupy our time on the journey home? Surely it should spur a reaction within us to want to change or at the very least learn, no? Human beings seem to lean more towards tribal patterns and it necessitates a leader to raise awareness and encourage progress in behaviour. So how about breaking from this pattern and pave the way to becoming the individual that you are, lead yourself and make your destiny happen?
This is where love comes in. It is one of the easiest places to make changes yet so often we sit around and wait for a personality-wrapped partner to arrive in our lives to bring joy and blow the cobwebs of our past away. Of course, sometimes this happens, but the majority of the time it does not. An even bigger reality to accept is that it rarely happens when we are in our supposed ‘prime’ (which I consider in our late 20s and early to late 30s). The reason for this is that our insecurities are still unrelenting when we are young, our concern is about our aesthetic features and monetary gain and the confidence to invite another person into our lives is not as prevalent until we are ingratiated with lines to frame our eyes and histories of heartbreak that could fill a public library.
Aside from insecurities, we also have cultural and inherited influences that ultimately divert the course of true love. Our biological make-up too, regardless of being male or female, predestines our ultimate desires and needs which in turn contribute to the decisions we make (and break) when swept up in amorous thoughts for another. I have certainly noticed differences culturally when travelling through different lands on the perception and acknowledgement of beauty. It is easy for any of us to consider something pleasing to the eye, it is only the level of delight we gain from it that may differ. What is most disturbing is the general inability to share this with the creature in question, let alone pronounce it to anyone else. If we can coo and show avid adoration to an animal or ornament, why not similarly so for another homo sapien? Do we fear a prickly response or think our words will fall upon deaf, egocentric ears that should already be well aware of their charm?
If any question goes through your head before speaking, this is the first mistake already made. Do not think, just say it. As long as the compliment is paid eloquently and without vulgarity, I do not know a single person that would be offended by such words. Praise in all its form only inspires feelings of pride and encouragement, shining a beacon of acknowledgement that in turn spurs sunny hues within the recipient. Many cultures are quite vocal when providing compliments to a lovely specimen so this is a habit worth forming regardless of country divide.
And if you are inclined to want to engage further with this person, with the underlying quest to become intimate with them, state this clearly and make it known! Again, through our unnecessary social dictates which we so habitually cling onto, much time is wasted and lost from doing a dance with words and actions in the ‘hope’ that people can read minds and pick up on subtle suggestions. THEY CANNOT! So often I myself have been told when it has been too late that ‘Did you know that they ‘liked’ you?’ (‘liking’ being the reserved British way of meaning they had ‘romantic feelings’ for you. How I wish Plain English was championed more) but due to sobriety or plain timidity (let alone a perfectly acceptable civil approach knowing I was aligned with another) this information was never known to me and the moment passed. People changed areas. Jobs progressed and different lives were assumed. What a pity.
But I am not here to weep about the ‘What ifs?’ and ‘What could have beens’. Those days are over for a reason and had their time which contributed to more learning (never a bad thing). NOTE: An imperative thing I must state though of learning from the past is to never re-embrace it. Do not cling to a romantic purgatory; it is a mortal torment that many of us repeat for fear of solitude which must never be the deciding factor as to why we seek a partner out in the 1st place. If this is the case for you, work on your single status and embrace it. It is a prized existence that must be appreciated fully.
So utilise this Valentine’s Day as a reason to connect to that person of your desires and make it known to them of your intentions. If they decline, so be it, fate would have it this way. But at least you found out rather than waiting endless days for a ‘moment’ together where eyes would meet and the unstoked fires inside of you would manifest so you were both propelled into each other’s arms to savagely quench the flames. And do not seek alcohol as an assisting truth serum either. There is nothing more uncouth and undesirable as a gesticulating drunkard that as well as being unable to complete a forward walking motion, cannot frame a sentence without dropping various vowels along the way. Love is a beautiful thing to be shared and deserves the clarity of mind in its delivery!
In a recent survey, I was asked to rate my contentment of living in London on a scale of 1 to 10, with 0 being the lowest. 6 was the rating I gave, although it is mostly a result of the weather. Whilst we have no control over the climate in the UK, perhaps we can make our interactions a little warmer. Radiate a smile and feel the full force of receiving one back. And if you want to gain more than just a smile, put your thoughts into friendly words or pen a note. There are but two possible outcomes for this exclamation of the heart; one of them may be favourable.
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