For as long as I can remember and at multiple moments in my life, I have always had a long line of people eager to instruct me on ‘what’ to do, how something ‘should’ be done and been dutifully chastised when something has not been up to par with their standards.  I think I just have one of those faces that stimulates the need in others to teach me or point out the ‘proper’ way of things (according to their views of course).  And I have always remained diligently silent throughout their tirade, nodding respectfully and absorbing their considered words witholding my own opinion for the sole aim of validating their own. The majority of times were during adolescence as understandably adults feel the need to highlight a youth’s actions when they are displeased, all in a considered effort to educate and reduce the repetition of unappealing habits that can include anything from scraping around the caverns of one’s nostrils in a public place to matters of hygiene and cleanliness.  I am sure at some point in all of our lives we can agree that we too have disagreed on something outwardly to someone, in a moment of passion which could have erupted from a pile of unwashed crockery to traffic delays that have inhibited the continuance of our journey.

So many things in life are out of our control and due to this simple fact, we react and express our displeasure in varying (although usually aggressive) ways ; screaming at our nearest and dearest over a petty matter (which always overlays the true reason for such an outburst), casting dispersions on the attire of another (although who are any of us to judge the appearance of another?) and the general inability to look at situations from another’s perspective.  We  become divided in opinion on how to handle the outcome of these situations; those that avoid confrontation and would therefore rather ignore their discomfort preferring to suffer quietly, those that face said situations ‘head-on’ with no regard of the aftermath of their tongue and those that will complain about a situation to anyone except directly with the perpetrators involved.

Our individual upbringings and circumstances all contribute to shaping our tactics when it comes to the evolvement of our rationalisation and ability to handle a disagreeable matter with a civilised or more often than not ‘uncivilised’ approach.  Another contributing factor which I consider key in the final handle of such situations is the thoughts and processes going on within an individual’s mind directly before or in the lead-up to the outcome.  So often I have seen arguments, heated discussions and (initially calm) conversations escalate due to the mind-set of one or two contributors.  So often I have heard the phrase “you cannot fight fire with fire” which has served as a reminder to myself to take the higher ground when my opponent has been the fiery one.  And even the more placid of the arguers has still berated the more venomous tongue afterwards, keenly pointing out how unnecessary and oaf-like the behaviour was, not pausing to consider where this deep-seated rage may have originated from in the first place (a death in the family, tiredness and a near miss accident has provided many a reason for past witnessed acidic behaviour).

Which brings me to the purpose of this subject matter which is to highlight that in the face of such adversity, the wholly more satisfying reaction to pompous scolding is to acknowledge it and move on.  Ignore it if you must.  Just do not let the wicked ways of others affect your respectable, cheery nature and be swayed due to the fact that THEY are having a bad day.  We are privy to plenty of motivational resources that serve to bolster our weakened energies and reinforce our inherent positive natures.  Mantras are proclaimed, exercise is also utilised to optimise endorphin levels and the union of friends all administer our needs in the campaign to combat negativity.  And so it must continue.  We are all key individuals on this planet and whilst we perhaps may not be able to influence a major demographic alone, we can at least start with the person sitting next to us at work, the other beside us in the queue or the shop keeper that you barely meet eyes with during a transaction.  Defy the odds and retaliate with kindness and a smile.  Consider the final outcome before sealing its doom and remember that unless another’s life is in the balance, the need to inflict rage on another is unfair and more often than not unnecessary.  We are ridden with expectations of others to meet with OUR demands and OUR needs but this must stop.  If we all resisted the (far too easy) ability to be selfish, our resulting acts of selflessness would only serve as another much needed force for good in this world.

And I must also comment on the ‘Scolder’ and their actions too.  Do not be astonished when you inflict a thoughtless rant upon someone and find that your mutterings fall on deafened eyes.  It is all in the delivery.  Most recently I was subject to a scolding, however it was in an accusatory tone and in the presence of others. A faux pas if ever there was one.  Regardless of status, gender or age one must always maintain a certain decorum when critiquing another’s actions.  To raise one’s voice and subject the recipient of your displeasure to embarrassment is deplorable and can only deem you as a brute.  A gentle voice, privacy and a constructive manner is the best way to impose one’s views and is the ideal method to benefit both parties.  And if you react adversely before contemplating your actions, be sure to recognise this error and apologise suitably.  No-one likes a bully and it only breeds contempt in the long term, as well as a deflated sense of respect when one cannot acknowledge the nonsense in their actions.

Remember, there is no one true way to clean. There is no one true way to organise an event.  There is no one true way to deal with a customer.  There is no one true way to cook a dish.  Everything is subject to change, adaptation and personal touch.  So accept this you must.  But all this you can judge easily for yourself as of course, who am I to tell YOU what to do?

 

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